Cathy Turner

As the groom stepped into his place, he let out a sigh. Actually, it was more like a “Whew!” – except the pursed-lip exhale was a little more prolonged – like “Swhooo…” Then he shook it off, took his hands out of his pockets and stood ready for his bride. As I analyzed what his momentary actions implied, I decided that it wasn’t because he was nervous. It was more like finally the day had come. He was marrying her. I looked at him and thought, “He truly is right for her. They chose well.”

I speak to and have discussions with groups of girls quite a bit. More than once, I have asked young ladies to write down their life questions and I would answer them. Inevitably when I do this, I get the question, “How do you find ‘Mr. Right’?” That is our hope, isn’t it? Well, I am here to say that there is no such thing. Or at least I didn’t/don’t believe that there was any one man out there labeled, “Just for Cathy Rivers.” I mean, I did not marry someone from Dubai, because I am from the mountains of North Carolina – highly unlikely that I would have met anyone from there or even at the University of Tennessee in the 1970s. Does that mean that there wasn’t someone in Dubai that I could have fallen in love with? For the most part, we marry people we have met. So we need to be discerning about who we give our attention to. Marriage is a choice and we need to choose well.

One foundational principle is to marry someone of whom you are proud; who will help you to grow and who likes who you are. Well, that is a mouthful, but if you don’t think that your mate is outstanding or if you don’t respect your spouse or if you think your mission is to change him or her – Stop! Please re-evaluate! You are going to be working through many situations/problems/projects – life – for many, many years. You have to be able to trust and respect your loved one to make it through. I see so many couples where one or the other of them is just wagging and dragging their mate by the nose ring. You don’t want to be with someone who you can walk all over or who walks all over you – either situation will lead to a lonely existence. And if, while you are dating, he ever pushes or hits you or if she constantly leaves you feeling beat down verbally – just walk away. No joke. Would Jesus ever shove you? As the old preacher said, “The time to get a divorce is while you are dating.”

You are good stuff (simply because God made you), and you should and can be treated with kindness, care and love. Find someone who already has this mindset. Savior relationships are not love. My mother-in-law told me, “You cannot raise another mother’s son.” Find’em like you like’em.

That bride had not found Mr. Right, but she had found Mr. Righteous – a man who is living right, living well, good to her, about her, about them, not about himself – godly. They have the same foundation and have dated long enough to know it. They will be good for each other. It was a sweet ceremony to begin a forever love. Their day had finally come.

I will pray for the same for you.

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