It’s summer and I am still thinking about brides and grooms, and newlyweds and oldyweds.
The night before my wedding was super busy. We had the rehearsal with a potluck dinner afterward that my church family provided. My groom came to the rehearsal in a white undershirt. It went so well with my cute little sundress. The next day, at the wedding, he had on a white tux with tails. I realized that I never asked him about or told him what he should wear to any of it! I knew that the groomsmen were wearing gray tuxes, and not once did I think that my groom would wear something different. He looked great! But the lessons I learned were 1) My groom has his own style and 2) Discuss the details, if the details are important.
But I got side-tracked – The night before our wedding was awesome and busy. After the rehearsal dinner and time with my girls, back at the house, my mom’s house was full of people. My sisters had come home. My mom’s best friend had come in from D.C. Our neighbors floated in and out. And we danced, as we always had in the living room with the record player playing 45s and 33s – Aretha, Otis Redding, The Temptations, Jr. Walker and the All-Stars, Smokey… I danced with my daddy ‘till the wedding director turned the music off and sent everyone home, saying that I needed my rest. So I did what I was told and got ready for bed.
That night, the night before my wedding night, my mom came and sat on the edge of my bed. She took my hand in hers and asked me if I had any questions. Now…my mom had been talking to me over the years about sex and its purposes and such, so I thought of no questions at that moment. Then my mom quietly gave me the sweetest marital advice that I have ever been given. She leaned into me and said, “Be kind and go slow with each other.”
What pointed sexual advice. Take your time. Take time for each other. Be kind. Be about each other. Learn. Don’t rush. You have years. Don’t rush each other. Love. How might I please him/her? Be full of care. How many different ways can this be said, clarified, mulled over and applied? And not just sexually. “Go slowly with each other.” Don’t be pushy. Ruminate together. Discuss. Don’t assume. Listen. Learn. Be for each other. Take time. Play. Dance. Be kind. Rest together. Understand. Don’t have conversations in your head. Learn each other. Acknowledge needs, thoughts and opinions. Enjoy each other. Breathe in when you kiss. Take the time of your life-time. Go slowly.
Newlyweds and oldyweds – Be. With. Each. Other. And be kind.
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